“I don’t appreciate that.”

Walking home, a man on the porch said, “Good morning, Beautiful.” I responded flatly, “I don’t appreciate that.” He was surprised and I kept walking. One block away, as I was at my door, he rode by on his bike and yelled, “Fuck you, you stuck up bitch!” I yelled back, “Sir, can I explain?” I wanted to explain to him how his comment of “beautiful” made me feel, but he wouldn’t stop.

Location: 1st and P NW

Submitted by Korin

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9 Responses

  1. Golden Silence

    Harassers don’t need an explanation. You have every right to not want to be “complimented” by a man you don’t know. Harassers should be the ones explaining their actions: Why tell a woman she’s “beautiful” then call her “bitch” like that? That’s not right and I’m sorry that happened to you.

  2. jdhammond

    Do they, or for that matter the people who try to justify this behavior, even realize how completely incongruous it is to be called a “beautiful” “bitch” within breaths of the same sentence?

  3. JJ

    As someone who has received the “fuck you!” statement on many instances, I’d like to helpfully provide some responses I’ve used in the past, which both get the last word while leaving the manchild with no time to think of a response.

    “Ain’t happening, that’s my point.”
    “You can’t afford it, loser.”
    “I ain’t your mother.”
    “Thanks but I got standards.”
    “Get a real dick and I’ll think about it.”
    “HAHAHAHA (very loud derisive laughter).”


  4. Meg

    Anyone whose response to your honesty is to call you a “stuck up bitch” wasn’t paying you a compliment to begin with and you don’t owe him any sort of explanation.

  5. Golden Silence

    Thanks for that, JJ. You’ve gotta be careful though and gauge whether or not you feel it’s safe enough to react to a harasser with a comeback. You never know with some of them.

  6. Angie

    I love that you wanted to explain. And further, I love that you called that wanker who didnt really have the balls to stop and say something face to face but rather as he peddles by…you still call him “Sir.”


    But unlike you, I cant contain myself and resort to comments for those ‘tards like JJ’s.

    Do you think before he got on his bike and chased you down, that even even took a second to contemplate what a simple “good morning, beautiful.” may have made you feel? Why is that?

  7. restaurant refugee

    I am new to this site, and fascinated and embarrassed (as a man) to read through the archives. I must admit that the first part of this has me perplexed. He gave a salutation and then what he clearly intended to be a compliment. Was it a compliment that objectified? Absolutely, but the ettiquette in this situation is long settled. The submitter, Korin, was willing to explain her position even in the face of this man’s eventual boorishness. How different might the experience have been if she had instead returned the salutation and then offered an explanation of why his compliment wasn’t appreciated?

    • J.D. Hammond

      If I, as a man, called him “gorgeous”, I think he would have reacted with a certain degree of outrage before either of us had an opportunity to explain our problems with the statement.

  8. Angie

    “Was it a compliment that objectified? Absolutely, but…”
    restaurant refugee, there really should be no “but” about it.

    “How different might the experience have been if she had instead returned the salutation and then offered an explanation of why his compliment wasn’t appreciated?”

    She clearly is a nice, understanding individual. Understanding of the ignorance that plagues the masses that is. And also clearly, a victim of gender based harrasment. VICTIM. As in, SHE is NOT at fault, nor in the wrong. And truly did not owe him any explanation. He should have informed his d*mn self. It isnt HER responsibility to explain anything. As the about Holla back dc section put it, ” Whether you’re commuting, lunching, partying, dancing, walking, chilling, drinking, or sunning, you have the right to feel safe, confident, and sexy, without being the object of someone’s fantasy.” PERIOD.

    And also, as the simple need for this sort of site indicates, clearly nothing about these situations is “long settled.”

    Can you imagine how many times we women have fought back, by contacting harraser’s place of employment, managers of stores and night clubs, etc. only to be questioned how WE handled the situation, or how WE were dressed? Holding the victim accountable for harrasers mis-behavior is just as big a concern/ issue that must be addresed.